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About Me Member Experimental Photographer Ilana Lu99/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 3 Years
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Statistics 135 Deviations
1,438 Comments
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Devious Journal Entry

Thu Jul 9, 2009, 10:48 PM
This lack of creativity kills me. I find nothing interesting enough to draw; no dreams escape into the paper. My canvas remains a black void. Literally. I covered it in black oils to start a painting that I never had the inspiration to finish. Jazz. Blues. I sing them. I start writing my train of thought just to find a disorganized, one-track mind of beauty, makeup, wigs, and money. Those thoughts circulate and I'm finally sick of it.

I'm tired of trying on a new appearance each day.

I think the depression is coming back.

I'm afraid that it is.



The only thoughts that make sense in my mind are the lines. The lines of writing--dialogue...of a story. My story. As if a book is taking place in my head, as I think.


I'd like to write a book someday. But not about me. Right now I want to get far away from me. Away from this lack of personality and life. I feel like a waste of space.


I'm sorry. I have some self esteem kinks to work out.

I, I, I.
I hate that word.
I.

  • Mood: Shitty

deviantID

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: south.
  • deviantWEAR sizing preference: w/m
  • Interests: Music. art, in general.
  • Favourite band or musician: many. last.fm= unlabeled
  • Favourite genre of music: Much metal. Industrial, plz
  • Favourite artist: dali.
  • Favourite poet or writer: sylvia plath, George Orwell.
  • Favourite style of art: gritty
  • Operating System: vista
  • Shell of choice: snail
  • Personal Quote: "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face—forever&am
  • Tools of the Trade: GIMP, paintshop, broken pencils, and sleepless nights.

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Comments


Hey Ilana, I been reading your Journal's, And I'm Praying for you. :heart:

Life sucks, But Jesus Doesnt.

--
Give me your Eyes for just one second, So I can see. Everything that I keep missing. For your Love for Humanity. Your arms for the broken hearted. ones beyond my reach. Your heart for the forgotten. Give me your eyes so I can see.-Brandon Heath-:heart:
thank you. i love your photography as well. :)

film is great, but digital still rocks. :D
Thanks for the :+fav: :D :hug:

--
I :heart: Sue :blowkiss:
cheers!

you have wonderful art here
thanks :]

--
"Underneath the spreading chestnut tree, I sold you and you sold me."
Thanks for the fav ^_^

--
"Death is not an apology" - Dead Bones Humming Brooke
greetings & many thanks for your :+fav:, it's much appreciated.

--
~infernosilver :horns:
"total fucking doom"

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